By Mel Kauffman
Jayne Mattson, a career management expert and author, joined SROA recently for a webinar about The Art of Talking to People, Networking and Building Relationships.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years getting people interested in you,” said Mattson, who provides guidance and services to early and mid-career professionals looking to take charge of their careers.
At age 12, Mattson’s father gave her a copy of Dale Carnegie’s best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Mattson, who re-reads the book every year, said she learns something new every time. She attributes the book to her success and said it motivated her to write You, You, Me, You: The Art of Talking to People, Networking and Building Relationships. She noticed that most clients talk about networking and how to do it, but no one focused on building relationships. This realization sparked the idea for her book.
Mattson’s “You, You, Me, You” concept include four steps for building relationships:
(You) Initiate: Ask questions and always use the person’s name (e.g., “Nice to meet you name,” then ask a question.)
(You) Engage: Engage the other person, ask follow-up questions to get them to keep talking about themselves. (Tip: Use the 5 Ws—who, what, when, where and why—to come up with questions.)
(Me) Develop: Share commonalities. If you have similar experiences or destinations you’ve traveled to.
(You) Strengthen: Balance the conversation and then follow up with another question.
The most important element in relationship building is ending with “you” because, Mattson said, it shows that you want to continue to get to know the other person.
These five tips can help you when starting a conversation:
One of the challenges Mattson has found when working with clients is that they aren’t comfortable starting a conversation. She provided several tips for meeting new people and getting over the awkwardness of starting a conversation.
Networking can be challenging for anyone, what are some tips and tricks you use while building relationships?